We’ve watched nearly every inning of the Pittsburgh Pirates Baseball Club this year. But we’ve never had to do a recap like this after the Houston Astros smoked the Bucs.
It was just a joke. A bad joke. So to somehow laugh along with the effort shown by the Bucs today, here’s Eddy Gonzalez as Kenny Powers or something. Hope you like the post as much as I love my Kenny Powers jersey from this pimp ass website–do your buddy a favor and make a man out of him by picking up one of these KP jerseys.
The Houston Astros right hander Edgar Gonzalez pitched one hell of a game.
Brock Holt strikes out swinging. Travis Snider strikes out swinging. Andrew McCutchen grounds out to first baseman Brett Wallace to end the first inning.
Welcome back to the big leagues Eddy!
Garrett Jones doubles (25) on a 2-2 four seamer. Gonzalez is steamed. He fires three straight sliders to Gaby Sanchez and on an 0-2 four-seam fastball Sanchez flies out to right field. Pedro Alvarez grounds out to short on a 2-2 fastball. On a 2-1 sinker, Rod Barajas flies out to center. Gonzalez stares at Jones. The Bucs wasted a leadoff double.
In the bottom of the third, Clint Barmes flies out, Jeff Locke whiffs, Brock Holt watches strike three. Gonzalez appears to mutter, damn this game is fu**in easy as he walks to the Houston dugout.
In the fourth inning, Travis Snider pops out to the shortstop, Andrew McCutchen grounds out to second. Garrett Jones rips a 77-mile per hour changeup into centerfield for another hit. Gonzalez gets Gaby Sanchez to swing at a first pitch sinker and he grounds out to short softly. The right hander screams “I am Edgar Gonzalez, bitches!” toward nobody in particular.
Pedro Alvarez leads off the bottom of the fifth by crushing a triple off the glove of Houston center fielder Brandon Barnes. Rod Barajas strikes out on four pitches. Clint Barmes singles to right. Jeff Clement flies out to deep center field. Brock Holt flies out to right field. Gonzalez shakes his head intently as he stares directly at his center fielder Barnes as the Astros walk to the dugout. Gonzalez crushes a Gatorade cooler with his bare hands screaming catch….the….fu**in ball pussies!
Travis Snider walks to lead off the sixth inning on four pitches. Andrew McCutchen hits a sinker to short for a double play ball, but hustles it out and is safe at first. Gonzalez stares intently at his middle infielders. Garrett Jones rips a single to right field.
That’s it for Gonzalez who waits for the Houston reliever and appears to tell him don’t fu** up my win.
The Houston bullpen doesn’t allow a hit the rest of the game. Hell, the Pirates didn’t even get a baserunner.
Sanchez struck out, and Alvarez grounded out stranding Jones and McCutchen. In 7th, Presley flied out, Barmes popped out, Michael McKenry struckout. In 8th it took Houston eight pitches to get Harrison, Snider, and Cutch to fly out. In 9th, it took eight pitches to get Jones to ground out and Sanchez and Pedro to whiff.
Two-an-a-half…six games over .500. Gulp.