Our resident anonymous RumBunter staffer returns to provide sage advice to the Pirates fans on how not to be a PNC Park douchebag this postseason. If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends
SAY HELLO TO MARTY
The Reds – with their loudmouth announcer Marty Brennaman – open up the postseason schedule for the Bucs. Brennaman talked a lot of shit. Be sure to say hello to him.
Read the Ten Commandments of Heckling. Read it again. Practice. The postseason demands your best Heckle Game.
Don’t smoke in your seat. Because smoking in your seat leads to security guards losing fingers, aggravated assault, conspiracy, harassment, disorderly conduct and of course, public drunkenness.
If you want to be the google image result for PNC Park fans, by all means go ahead and smoke in your seat.
Don’t get hammered in the lot and stumble into PNC. Act like you’ve been here before. You will likely be back for the Cardinals series and see a lot of those same people who saw you throw up in the stands.
And if you see Mr. USA, say hello.
SO… YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DRINK RESPONSIBLY
Look, we understand. We got you. So here’s your game plan. Before you do your fifth funnel, print this article out, bookmark it on your smart phone. You’re welcome.
If you’re going to make a sign, check the spelling. National Television, everyone. C’mon.
LEAD THE YOUNG & THE FOOLISH
Don’t make fellow Pirates fans look like a tool. Got the wrong hand on top??? Coach em up!
Tip your beer man. Tip him well. Beerman doesn’t set the prices.
It’s a BLACK AHT! Wear black by all means. When the Bucs take care of business against the Reds, we are showing up with the lucha mask. And it’s gonna be good. Get something black and wear it to the game. A.J. Burnett loves black, so we love black.
Don’t do the wave. That’s been covered before by Campbell in the PNC Park Attendee’s Definitive Guide to NOT Being a Jagoff. Instead of the wave, think of something else to do with your time.
Instead of doing that God awful wave, scream M-V-P! Get it going from section to section, left field vs. right field, lower level vs. upper level, make it great. Scream Jooooooooey from the bottom level, upper level says Vottoooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Drag out Brandon. Scream Brandon SUCKS! Scream Beltran SUCKS! Scream about Kershaw! Scream anything – but don’t do the wave!
And remember this, Kenny is watching. Scream like you’re Kenny for a night or two this postseason.