MLB Opening Day: Pirates Owe Cubs for Stealing Parrot.

MLB Opening Day Preview of the Pittsburgh Pirates taking on the Chicago Cubs at PNC Park.  The Cubs are going to have to wait a bit before the first pitch is fired at the new, improved PNC Park.  The Bucs have some hardware to handout.  And one of the best players in their history will be on hand.  We had a dream about how it goes down.  Read it here.  My Barry Bonds Dream

Today:  RH Jeff Samardzija (8-13, 4.34) vs. LH Francisco Liriano (16-8, 3.02).

Wednesday: 7:05PM Buc Night

RH Edwin Jackson (8-18, 4.98) vs. RH Charlie Morton (7-4, 3.26).

Thursday: 12:35PM

RH Jason Hammel (7-8, 4.97) vs. LH Wandy Rodriguez (6-4, 3.59).

The Chicago Cubs roll into Pittsburgh to face the Bucs for 2014 MLB Opening Day.  But who are these Cubs?  These Cubs need their butts whipped.  They aren’t real good right now, have some bumps, and outside of two players, I don’t see much to worry about.

Cubs Best pitcher:  The one that didn’t get traded this offseason and will be on the bump this afternoon.  We know all about Jeff Samardzija being tough on the Pirates.  Samardzija had a rough spring training.  The right hander made six starts and gave up 28 hits and 12 earned runs in 21 innings.

Cubs Offensive star:  Anthony Rizzo.  That’s about all we really see.  If you are dying to know more about the Cubs, read this downtrodden relfections on the cusp of the Cubs season at BleedCubbieBlue.  Sounds like a Pirates post we wrote five years ago.  .

Cubs Defensive star:  Darwin Barney is pretty talented.

Best Thing About Cubs;  The prospects give em a few years.

Bottom line…The Bucs need to sweep this series.  The Cubs are young (er) and also hurting.  The Pirates should put up some nice numbers in this series if they can break through on Samardzija.   If the team wants to shut some people up, beat up on the Cubbies.

Favorite Cubs Blog:  No question about that. Cubby-Blue    Tim produces great work like this, go check out his work, it’s unbelievable as he illustrates what it is like to be a Cubs fan.

In the offseason, the Cubs stole the Pirates Parrot.  They named him Clark.  An uproar ensued in Chicago.  Not a whisper was heard in Pittsburgh.  Screw you Theo Epstein, we take that personally.

Prediction:   Bucs sweep.

We wrote about the Cubs stealing Parrot here:

Virginia:  Is this stupid blog rumor true?

Dad:  It’s true honey, the Pirate Parrot is now in Chicago.  He’s Clark the Cub now.

Virginia:  (lip quivers)  W…what are you…what?

Dad:  Stop crying.  Stop it.  We will explain it all very soon.

Virginia:  I feel so sorry for Parrot.  Who did this to him Dad, Bob Nutting?

Dad:  (lip quivers)  Yes…we’re the minor leagues for Cubs mascots darlin’

Well Pirates fans we think this nasty rumor might be true.  But for now, when Opening Day comes along just act like nothing changed.  Stop crying dammit.

Now let’s get down to the point of all this in game entertainment horse shitt.  We need to analyze this deeply concerning news.  The first reaction was one of shock.

How does such delicate news like this get out?  Apparently, the Pirates aren’t as serious about their brand as Disney.  When was the last time you read about Mickey Mouse punching out and heading north on 95 for the Philadelphia Phanatic gig?

After we slept on this news for a few days we think it comes down to this.  Clark the Cub seems like a lateral move.  What a waste of hip wiggling, dreadlock wearing talent.

Now to wax poetic a bit.  The Pirates Parrot has come a long way.  The look wasn’t trendy, but Parrot brought home a World Series trophy during his rookie year in 1979.  Not a sniff of a championship since then though.  Oh you remember when Parrot was slinging more than t-shirts back in the day.  Back when the Pirates were champions.

The Parrot has gotten chunky, but Parrot has aged gracefully.  Now how about the look of the original Cubs mascot?

The idea of Clark the Cub infuriates some diehard Cubs fans.  We agree that the timing was pretty bad for the Cubbies.  Chicago is a rather pure baseball experience.  While Parrot is loved in Pittsburgh, it’s going to take some time to for Clark to be the babyface in Chi Town.

But the bottom line is this.  While the new look Parrot never saw a World Series, wasn’t the success of last season enough to keep him around?  What’s with the Parrot pulling an A.J. Burnett?  Clark the Cub was an internet sensation thanks to Deadspin, but in the end it’s just a dead end gig.  It’s the Cubs for God sakes.  Good riddance we say, but this still makes me want to fly to Chicago, down a dozen Old Styles and boo his ass.

Like Burnett, Parrot sucked when it mattered most anyway.  Shame on these fans for giving him a standing ovation.

Forbes to Federal gets all the GIF love.