Everyone loves one hit wonders. In honor of the tremendous one hitter last night by Reds pitcher Johnny Cueto, here is the offensively challenged Pittsburgh Pirates lineup, their lack of production, and the players one hit wonder entrance music.
AKI IWAMURA: 0 for 4; 2K’s, 2LOB tonight should have came to the plate to Ice, Ice, Baby by Vanilla Ice.
Somebody say…Ice, Ice, Baby. Rollin’ to the plate with my average at one five oh, got my brace on, so my knee don’t blow.
ANDY LAROCHE: 0-3 tonight against Mr. Cueto tonight should have came to the plate to the David Soul of Starsky and Hutch fame, ”Don’t Give Up On Us Baby.” Classic. Sounds like Frank singing.
“The future is more than just one night…. Don’t Give Up on Us Baby, we are still worth one more try, Don’t Give Up on Us Baby, we can still come through…..”
ANDREW MCCUTCHEN 0-3. Just watch the video.
GARRETT JONES 0-3 GFJ came out of nowhere to make a bunch of outstanding noise last season. Just like Nena. We are still trying to make sense of it all.
RYAN DOUMIT 0-3; 1K on three pitches, one flyout on one pitch. Do you find it odd that in Pirates commercials during the game Doumit says, “teams are gonna know they are in a dog fight when they play us this year.” Then in the fifth inning Doumit swung at the first of three pitches from Cueto. He missed all three.
In the seventh inning, he swung at the first pitch that was way out of …ah, you get it. A walk would have been great. Shit, just take a damn pitch. This song peaked at #3 in 1993 ( One A.B.) and says the word walk about seventy times in 3 minutes :37 seconds. It will help.
LASTINGS MILLEDGE 0-3 The coolest rapper in our lineup tonight. His at-bat in the eighth inning sucked. So here you go Lastings,a sucky rap.
DELWYN YOUNG 0-3; 2K’s Delwyn Young MC. He is a bench player for a reason. He has one hit in him every once in a while. The real Young MC actually wrote several hits including Funky Cold Medina and Wild Thing for Tone Loc. DY didn’t bust a move and was funky cold tonight.
RONNY CEDENO: 1-2, BB, HBP. The only Pirate with a hit this evening. He might have a broken wrist after being beaned by Cueto in the sixth. He didn’t leave the game. This song, Hold Your Head High, by Argent peaked at number five on the chart in 1972, the Pirates won 96 games in ’72, the Bucs might peak at number five this year in the NL Central.
“If it’s bad, don’t let it get you down, you can take it. And if it hurts don’t let them see you cry, you can make it…..
CHARLIE MORTON 0-1 foul out bunt. Morton is the world’s worst bunter, documented head case, and the guy that everyone says has the best stuff. He pitched strong tonight. He had no help. He was definently BLUE. Eiffel 65 peaked at number six with this dance tune in 1999.
“Blue are the feelings that live inside me….”