The Story of Firing the First Pitch to Joshua Poytress

When I took to the bump last night to throw the first pitch at Medlar Field in State College, Pennsylvania, I had one thing on my mind.  I imagined that Ryan Braun was at the plate.

I was focused.  I was well prepared after

throwing 35 pitches in the Spikes   bullpen

drinking four Otto’s Apricot Wheat and one Gamble Mill.

As I leaned into my stretch to get the sign from my battery mate, I was momentarily surrounded by awesomeness:

Damn, that just might be one of the most debonair lip sweaters ever to grace a baseball diamond.  You see my catcher was none other than Joshua Poytress.

But I remained focused and much to the delight of the 2,770 fans in attendance I fired high and inside.  Just where the ball would have richocheted off Ryan Braun’s elbow.

Also let it be known that I am preparing our letter to send to all Major League teams stating our intention to not sign any free agent contracts at this time. So stop with the phone calls Mr. Huntington.

Read more about the owner of that sweet stache, Joshua Poytres, right here:

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