Why It Must Suck to Be from Baltimore

There are so many reasons why Pittsburgh is a superior city to Baltimore it’s mind numbing.

We write this article each year, but it never fails to blow our minds.   The people of  Baltimore deserve so much more as they are some of the most gracious on the planet, but all they have to look forward to is football these days.

The fact that the Pittsburgh Steelers are in their town to start the NFL season is fitting.  The Ravens get an immediate opportunity to redeem themselves after allowing the Steelers to rip a playoff victory from the talons of the ebony birds.

It all starts as we drive to the Inner Harbor this weekend, of course we will be listening to ‘Black and Yellow’ once or twice. The music scene in Baltimore was once pretty cool, but that was such a long time ago which is similar to so many things from the Charm City.

Right now, Pittsburgh has Wiz Khalifa, a smoking hot musican and the 2010 breakthrough artist of the year. Tupac hung out in Baltimore for a couple of his teenage years.

Since being on top of the music business, along with winning sports championships, is so elusive to Baltimore, let’s turn to another form of entertainment.  One of the best things in recent memory from Baltimore was the HBO series, The Wire.

We thought the show was solid, but the Baltimorians had to absolutely despise how it portrayed their city.  Unfortunately it was stopped short, cancelled, given up on by David Simon, or ended perfectly by HBO–whatever you choose to believe.

Pittsburgh was vividly portrayed last month as Gotham City while filming for the upcoming movie The Dark Knight was completed.

Similar to the Wire, the Colts, Bandits, Stallions, and Blast have all tainted sports history in Baltimore.  Meanwhile, Pittsburgh is tainted by the epic losing streak of the Pittsburgh Pirates.

The Pirates are known for winning a couple of World Series titles in the 70’s. Who did the Bucs beat?

The Pirates and Orioles reknewed the rivalry this summer.  The Pirates took the series.  Damn, this just doesn’t end does it?

And seriously Baltimore, why don’t you have an NHL hockey team?  Pittsburgh’s is quite good with some of the best talent on planet earth pulling on the black and gold sweaters.  The sport creates a passion in Pittsburgh’s youth like no other professional sport played in Pittsburgh.  It’s the kids game.

The comparision of first round quarterbacks drafted by the towns football teams is very interesting.  The Ravens took Kyle Boller with the 19th pick in the first round of the 2003 NFL Draft.   The Steelers took Ben Roethlisberger with the 11th pick in the first round of the 2004 draft.   How did that turn out?

The latest quarterback to sport the purple is Joe Flacco.  He’s a player that can’t win against Ben Roethlisberger.  He’s 0-6 against Big Ben.

Of course the Ravens did win a Super Bowl recently.  But what is the next sentence so often mentioned after that ?   …..with Trent Dilfer at quarterback.  The offense was so bad.  So bad.

The Ray Lewis dance blows.

Hines Ward is the real dancer

.  Wait, that’s as bad as having Trent Dilfer at quarterback.  We should scratch that, ah screw it, the ladies love a guy who can dance.  Hines Ward is the real dancer.

Ok Baltimore, at least you have Johnny Unitas, but where was he from again?

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REPOST: 

2010 Why It Must Suck to Be from Baltimore:

1. The Charm City Devils are the number one reason Baltimore blows. Get your own song.

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Like this one from Wiz Khalifa:

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2. Joe Flacco blows for introducing that video. Screw your best passer rating since week five Flacco. Screw your 13 TD and 2 INT hot streak; Ben Roethlisberger owns Baltimore with five straight wins. Ben is playing with a broken foot and a bionic boot tonight. Word is he is going to take a shot to numb the pain just to get on the field. Ben has two Super Bowl rings, what do you have Joe?

3. Flacco seriously said he is going to keep an eye on Troy Polamalus hair? Apparently those Head and Shoulders commercials have paid off.

"We definently have plays that depend on reading the hair of Troy Polamalu.—-Baltimore QB Joe Flacco (as reported by Sal Palantonio)"

4. Grown men should not wear purple. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but grown men wear black. Everyone knows that.

5. When the Ravens beat writer needs to call for a purple out and then asks Ravens fans to contact The Baltimore Sun if they are selling tickets for the game tonight, well…. we have to question your fanhood. Or the writers sanity? Sorry to tell you Ravens fans, but Pittsburgh writers don’t make up inflated attendance figures by the opposition.

Clipped from: weblogs.baltimoresun.com (share this clip)

6. As we cruised the streets of Baltimore tonight, there are signs downtown that say ‘Hegh Big Ben, No Means No in Baltimore!’ Ahh, it’s nice to see what a great education the Charm City provides, stay classy Baltimore. We aren’t going to talk about your Super Bowl MVP beating a rap. (Or those scary ass Old Spice commercials.)

7. The Ravens offensive lineman/Hollywood star Michael Oher got fined for tweeting during a game. Meanwhile Pittsburgh Steelers LB James Harrison was throwing around Buffalo Bills like rock salt.

8. It’s time for yours. Fill in your comment below and we will make you famous. Wow. It’s 3am and I have some drinking to do. Let’s wrap this up.

9. Baltimore girls? Pittsburgh girls? We better go online to see what we can find…..heh, wow….come on Ravens chick, you gotta do those nappy roots too.

10. Remember last season when the Ravens didn’t want to play in prime time? WTF?

"The Ravens have “asked not to be considered for a prime-time game at Heinz Field this season when they submitted their scheduling requests to the league,” Jamison Hensley, Baltimore Sun 2009"

Check us out on Twitter as we attempt to stay sober in Baltimore as we bring you action from Stillers vs. Ravens–the National Flagfootball Game of the Week.