Jeff Locke: This Guy Sucks

In case you missed it during Sunday’s game against the Reds, Thom Brennaman of Fox Sports Ohio got caught on a live mic stating after Locke gave up a four pitch walk, “This guy sucks“. He has taken a lot of flack from Pirates fans on Twitter since then, and even Tony Sanchez got in on the fun, going on his own little rant in defense of Locke. But what if Brennaman is right? What if Locke really does suck?

Surely a pitcher who’s been an all-star at the young age of twenty-five must suck. I mean, come on; Stephen Strasburg made it to the game at twenty-four. Step it up, Jeff!

Speaking of All-Stars, did you hear that Locke didn’t pitch in the game due to a sore back? Clearly, he’s not committed enough if he won’t tough it out through a relatively meaningless exhibition. I’ll bet he needs a serious attitude adjustment.

What about Locke’s ERA? For the love of God, 2.11?! What kind of horrible pitcher is able to stay in the league giving up 2.11 runs per nine innings? If I were Neal Huntington, I’d cut Jeff Locke before I’d cut Brandon Inge. Obviously he totally sucks.

Even worse, he’s only striking out six batters for every nine innings he pitches. It’s almost as if he isn’t even trying. The Pirates ought to be able to find any bum on the street to put up better numbers than that. What’s Bryan Bullington up to these days, anyway?

Even today while Locke was pitching, we could tell how much he sucked. He gave up an entire hit! Not just that, but a run, too! Doesn’t he know the pitcher’s job is to keep the other team from scoring? What a pathetic waste of payroll and a roster spot. What a bum, what a loser. Why does he always have to suck like this?

If Locke continues to suck at the rate at which he’s sucked this year, the Pirates will be grateful for it. If he keeps throwing his two-seam fastball like he has to this point, there’s no way that he can help the Pirates win. If you didn’t understand that nearly this entire post was sarcasm, you probably suck worse than Thom Brennaman. But at least you won’t suck as much as Jeff Locke.


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Tags: Pittsburgh Pirates

  • John

    This was pretty brilliant.

    • Campbell Sproul

      Thank you, John. I always hope my rantings are enjoyable.

  • Matthew Arnold

    Has Brenneman said anything at all since this happenend? What a douche.

    • Campbell Sproul

      Not that I’m aware of. He’s just an idiot.

    • Matthew Arnold

      I guess he finally called and apologized, but said he was talking about someone else. Hrm.

    • Campbell Sproul

      I don’t buy it.