The Pirates Real Dream Team Is The Sales Team


It’s the toughest job in America. And for some reason I can’t seem to find it on the website for NBC’s America’s Toughest Jobs. I see the Episode guide and I scan through Mountain Rescue, Logging, Monster Trucking, Bridge Crew, Bullfighting, Trucking, Oil Drilling, and Gold Digging (no comment). But no where can I find what I feel is the toughest job. In my humble opinion the toughest job in America has to be selling Pirates Tickets. I am not being a wise ass.

Don’t you agree?

Let me list some of the reasons why I feel this way:

1. Do you really need a list of reasons? Come on man.
2. I had you for a second didn’t I.

Much hubaloo was made of the Pirates not selling out the Indians series. Why in the name of the good Lord above would the Indians Pirates series be sold out? Are you for real?

Let me throw out some facts to these wiseasses that scoff at the sales profession, yet couldn’t sell me a printed paper in five years. Uhhh, check the business section ladies and gentlemen, it’s not going real well out here. The Indians aren’t real good. We have been doing interleague play for what twelve years now it seems? The ‘buzz’ is gone. The Indians Pirates series is mid-week.

People in Pittsburgh do work hard for a living and the thought of blowing off work to see the uhh, the Indians, well that just isn’t enough for me. The unemployment rate is through the roof and people are shocked the Pirates Indians series isn’t sold out? Come on. Bob Smizik of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette said ‘how the mighty have fallen’ when he learned the tickets are discounted.

Are you fucken kidding me? Where does this guy live? Apparently in the Doom Dimension where business news doesn’t permeate to the sports writers. I mean are you serious fella?

But I want to concentrate on the people who do the selling. These people work insanely hard. They have read the business section many times this year. In fact, most sales people read it on a daily basis and understand that there won’t be too many sellouts at PNC Park. What do the Pirates sales team really sell? Some could argue many things, but there are some things that remain constant. The Pirates have not raised a single ticket price in something like eight years. Think about that in your line of work.

Think about your product not raising it’s price from eight years ago. How would you survive?

And somehow sales are good. Not great, definently down thus far, but find an organization with sales that are up. Especially an organization that is staring at a record that nobody in ANY business wants. Especially an organization that has traded away two of the most recognizable faces on the team.

Imagine that you sell twenty-five products in your company. Let’s say they are popsicles for the argument. Take the two best selling products away, That’s right, no more dreamsicles or nutty buddies. Those two are gone from the product line. You are left with some popsicles that look good in the case, they are pitched very well, but sometimes they don’t taste so great and many people are mad that the two best selling popsicles are now available only in Boston and Atlanta.

How would that make you feel as a salesperson?

And yet wiseass sports writers expect you to keep cranking out the same sales volume as years past? Wow. Talk about living in a dream world. Its not 2001 and 2003 anymore. These same people also mock the KC and The Sunshine Band and bobbleheads. It reminds me of a quote from a Few Good Men (fitting title) ”I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it.”

It must be very hard for the Pirates sales force to take down the framed Nate McLouth All-Star jersey. The one that replaced the framed Jason Bay All-Star jersey.

What if your company failed for fifteen or sixteen consecutive years? What if your company was the laughing stock in newspapers throughout our beloved USA? Was anyone expecting the Pirates to do anything this year?

I know some people who believe. The Pirates sales team believes. They must. They are selling their way through this recession. It’s unreal. The Pirates sales team are backed with a work ethic that would make a steel worker proud. How else can you explain it? This sales team is making magic happen on a daily basis. And what are they selling? I don’t know, but a lot of people want it. I want it.

Many people in this town still believe in the Pirates sales team. Its a shame the people who write about the team on the field has no connection with the team off the field. Because without the team off the field, well… they just don’t understand that.

Have a great weekend Pirates fans!