Do Miguel “Hanley Pujols” Sano and Traci Lords Have Something in Common?
By Tom Smith
The player the Pittsburgh Pirates covet has been partially cleared. What the hell does that mean? Miguel Angel Sano has been cleared. Partially. Well, sorta.
Sounds like serious stuff, because it is. And confusing too.
Sano’s identity is regular (huh?) and his age undetermined. MLB feels he is at least 17 years old.
I have a question. Is telling the truth about your age always a good thing? Seriously, when has someone’s age mattered this much? I can only think of one occassion. And it was a much bigger deal.
The U.S. Consulate is now investigating Sano’s age to determine citizenship. Sorry, but that sounds like it will take a while Bucco fans. And there is also a backlog of 40 plus cases from March if you remember the Arangure article.
His agent Mr. Plummer (related to Chris?) says he will put in a clause cancelling the deal if its proven Sano lied about his age. Confident guy. He also says Sano goes where the money is largest. This guy is a genius.
Sure, Sano’s value certainly goes down if he is not as young as he says he is. If Sano really using his sister’s modified birth certificate, well, then we have a problem. But his identity is regular. He is who we thought he was!
But holy jumping jingleballs, crime scene murder investigations have taken less time!
Now back to the most notable underage investigation that comes to mind at Rumbunter. And I am sure that you’re not surprised. One of the cast of the film ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ was Traci Lords. It was filmed in Pittsburgh.
And surely you were wondering how I was going to tie it together weren’t you?
The premise was two Monroeville PA roommates Zack (Seth Rogan) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) need some cash. So they make a porno.
If your bored sensless watch Traci dazzle you. If not, move it to 1:25 where she calls Pittsburgh names…. ”we shot in such a dreary place, we shot in Pittsburgh in the dead of winter: or if your horned up slide it to 4:45 where she talks about her ”lactating breasts. ”
Traci Lords starred in the movie and also had a successful career in the music industry. And one other industry….. When she was 15.
Traci lived with her Mom’s ex-boyfriend (hmmm), he provided her a fake id that said Traci was 20. Not long after, Traci posed naked in the same Penthouse that featured Miss America Vanessa Williams. (my older brother had this one)
Most reports say that by the time she was 18 she had appeared in 100 adult films.
So there you have it, lying can lead to success. Why didn’t my Mom ever teach me this?
So here is hoping that by the time Sano turns 18, or whatever the hell age he is he will be making noise (get your mind out of the gutter) in the Pirates farm system.
Heh, if he is under 18 at least he will be wearing a uniform. So what’s the big deal?
Until then enjoy the show…*Enter
Ugh. And Traci, I love the dead of winter in Pittsburgh. Its Steelers football season.