Jack Wilson Is Your Ex Girlfriend. Keep It That Way


 Pittsburgh struggles with the idea that Jack Wilson is gone.

Some fans still think the world of the Mariners shortstop.  He certainly did a great deal for so many people off the field in Pittsburgh that the line is blurred between player and citizen.  Many Pirate fans are actually excited about the thought of getting back together with Jack.

Ugh, that’s a bad idea.

Bringing Jack back would be like getting back together with your ex.

Think about it.

Sure at first thought hooking up again sounds like a perfect plan.  It was so exciting when you were together wasn’t it?

We remember all of those sparkling nights spent between the white lines/sheets.  Surely, the pitchers loved Jack Wilson with his dynamic ability in the field.  But when you start thinking about it, the reality of it coming to pass becomes a step backward.

Allow me to be Dr. Phil for a moment.

At one time Jack was just like your ex was.  She would talk in a really low voice and you could barely hear her.  You had to lean in close just to hear what was said.  But then Wilson started talking so loudly he started influencing all of the young players in the Pirates dugout.  Wilson became a loudmouth just like she did. 

Another important point to make is that Jack will be like a cougar ex, remember he is thirty-something now.  We can’t trust anyone over thirty. We know that sooner or later he is going to get a ‘headache,’ or his hip will pop out just when we need him most.

Cougar exes are expensive too.  $8 million plus expensive.

I asked a few readers about their thoughts and this is what they had to say about the idea:

John P.  They take.  They hurt.  They disappear.  Just when you need them most. (Sort of like this video)

Nick C.  Jack will be just fine in Seattle colors, please remember we brought an “ex” back just three years ago, let’s not make Jackie Wilson our next Joker Randa.

Eric M.  Jack Wilson is like watching a nasty porno.  He makes you disgusted, but he certainly makes it hard to look away, because you have no idea what he’s going to do next.

In conclusion, heh guys sure you can pull out your yearbook/youtube and watch the highlights of how amazing it is to watch her/Wilson.

Sure, I know you wonder what it would have been like if she didn’t talk so much/if Wilson had some power hitters and some pitching around him, but do you really want to take back someone that was always facebooking that guy/Sanchez?