Neal Huntington Is John McLane
By Tom Smith
A group of terrorists have held the Pittsburgh Pirates fans hostage for a long time. These bastards have stolen nearly all hope from even the most die hard of baseball fans in a city that was built on the game.
Pittsburgh is a baseball town. Barely.
It has become a hockey town. Definently.
It will always be a football town.
But just a few short years ago, Pittsburgh had zero hope in saving baseball. Zero.
Enter John McLane Neal Huntingon.
A former undercover cop disguised as a “farm boy” Huntington had arrived to save the hostages. The guy was the new GM of the Pittsburgh Pirates and he had a plan in his head.
The terrorists had absolutely decimated the major league club leaving mainly elderly players for Huntington. The minor leagues were barren. The team and it’s hostages had become irrelevant, a laughingstock. But Huntington worked his plan.
It is still not easy for the hostages to accept, but Huntington’s plan will not free them overnight. It’s detailed. It’s painful. Some probably won’t live through it. Many have already perished never seeing their Pittsburgh Pirates winners again. Most of the young hostages have given up. It takes patience in a town where very little patience is left, where very little baseball knowledge exists.
Huntingtons’ plan is the last ditch effort to throw out the terrorists. At the June 2010 Amateur Draft, some would argue that Huntington was down to his final two bullets. The major league club was still playing awful, but remember he had his plan and he was sticking to it. Not all of the plan had gone perfectly-most realize it would be impossible to be perfect. Even John McLane missed once in a while.
If you are to believe the irrational baseball fans, it was Huntington’s ‘job’ this June to make a great pick, but a smart pick, and be absolutely certain they would sign too. Hilarious. Of course he wasn’t interested in listening to those people. Huntington never listens to outsiders. Remember…he has a plan.
Many over-eager baseball writer’s expected Huntington and the Pirates to play it safe. Good Luck trying to figure out Huntington. He made the bold move. One he hadn’t made in the past. He took Jameson Taillon when people were worried about the risk. The hostages went crazy!
He took Allie when nobody wanted to touch him because of the price tag. The hostages went crazy!
Allie signed a contract. The hostages went crazy! Taillon signed a contract. The hostages went crazy!
When one writer from Prospectus America, Hans Gruber, asked the ex-cop Huntington “who the hell do you think you are?”
The response was classic..
"“Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench, the pain in the ass.”"
For years the terrorists in charge of the Pirates had made poor decisions on draft day. It kept the hostages of Pittsburgh tied up with bitterness and anger. It seemed the hostages would never be released.
Neal Huntington has changed all of that. In the past three years, he has invested over $32 million for the hostages to be released. Help is definently on the way.
And one day in the future, Huntington will get a phone call. He will stroll out of Pittsburgh headed to another town that is in need of his services. He will hold his head high as his rebuild will be nearly complete.
Maybe he will even drill Smizik in the head before he hops in the limo. I know that would make this hostage go crazy!
Yippee Ki Yay Mother Fucker.