Ten Pirates Fan Appreciation Day Ideas

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It’s the final Pittsburgh Pirates homestand of the 2010 season.  It’s been a long time since opening day and the heroics of Garrett Jones.  On that beautiful day, it felt like the 2010 Pirates season could be a shocker.

And was it ever.

Because of the dire circumstances of the Pirates, we felt the team needed some fresh ideas for Fan Appreciation celebrations this year.  We had a bunch of them, but the best come from the readers.  If I left you out, add it to the comments… Here you go:

On Friday night, keep the fleece scarf and glove set.  Give us a blindfold.  Logo it from Seven Springs if you want.  That place looks like shit too.

Instead of a 2011 schedule magnet, keep the money.  I’m dying soon.  Get your shit together.

Stop blaming the market.  You surely knew where the fuck you were working when you took the job.  Not one successful person on this planet uses excuses.  Stop.  Or put on clown shoes.

Screw the Mini Cooper.  Have us walk through a time machine and send us to 2012.

Give the Pirates fans a new manager.  John Russell has been ‘beat the hell down’ by the lack of talented players you’ve provided him.

O.A.R. will play Saturday after the game?  Why not recognize the Altoona Curve after the game.  Nah, that wouldn’t sell tickets.  Plus you would have to fly them in, I can see the economics of that decision.  And it pisses me off so bad.

On Sunday, you could fire JR during the seventh inning stretch.  Heh, The Donald does it!  Why not The Frank?

Keep The Curve manager Matt Walbeck around overnight and announce him as the new skipper.  Why keep the Hard Knocks-esque firing of JR behind closed doors?  It would sell tickets!

(P.S. Listening to Neal Huntington tonight give examples about managers in losing situations like Francona, Manuel, Tracy, and Leyland scared the hell out of me.  Sure they came back and were successful.  Does anyone believe JR can do that?  I don’t.   Please don’t tell us that NH is working on reasons for keeping Russell…., JR must go.)

Instead of giving prizes away between each inning, how about cutting the roster by nine players on Sunday?  Each inning the Pirates would announce player x was cut, go pack up your shit and don’t even think about using our hot water to shower.  The place would go nuts!    But there is a catch.  The fans would decide who is cut by voting. Those at the game could text and those at home could vote with one of the many excellent Pirates blogs each inning.  Charge a buck a vote and all of the money benefits the 2011 starting pitching rotation budget.  (Or Team RumBunter)

Looking through the impressive giveaway items for Sunday afternoon, do we really need any of it?  Probably not.  Sure we could use this shit, but we really don’t need any of it. 

Two round-trip airline tickets

Two 2011 Pirates season tickets

Weekend stays and skiing at Seven Springs Mountain Resort

A flat-screen HD television and Blu-Ray player

A chance to toss the first pitch at PNC Park at a 2011 Pirates game

Gift cards to a variety of local establishments, including Hyde Park Steakhouse, Dick’s Sporting Goods, Giant Eagle, Eat ‘n Park, River Casino, and more

A variety of golf foursomes at local courses such as Quicksilver Golf Club

Bill Mazeroski framed autographed lithograph, commemorating the 50th anniversary of the 1960 World Series Championship

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We can live without that shit.  But what we can’t live without is a winner at PNC Park.

As I informed you earlier, I’m dying.  Everyone’s dying.  And the Pirates organization….they’re dying too.  Actually after 18 years  you have started to rot.

Of course if none of these ideas are possible, can you morph us back to 1979?   Everyone can enjoy it a little more.

What a night that must have been.

But regardless of the poor outcome this season,  spring training will come before we know it and my despair will be replaced by trust that somehow, some way, our Pittsburgh Pirates will return to mediocrity.  I miss mediocrity.  Miss it real bad.

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Give us your ideas