Kevin Goldstein Talks Strip Clubs And Pirates Prospects On Podcast


Kevin Goldstein is tired.  Jason Parks is not drinking (booze.)  Kevin is drinking booze.  Jason had enough from the bachelor party.  Kevin is working on his second ice filled glass of a Ketel One screwdriver.  There is some swearing.

It’s not Desperate Housewives, it’s Podcast 25 and desperate Pirates fans like my dumb ass were tuned in for the show.

After the debate about awards, some other stuff about awards, and some other shit that Pirates fans can’t get worked up about, Kevin and Jason got to the most important thing we wanted to hear.  Pittsburgh Pirates baseball.  Whatever you do, be certain to focus, because it comes slowly and moves rapidly into the more important topics like gentlemans clubs, liquor, minor league free agents, mechanics, and bachelor parties. 

So be razor sharp Pirates fans.

Don’t do what we did and get sucked into the discussion about how appealing, ….no…  how unappealing strip clubs are.  Yes.  Unappealing. 

"I just don’t get the appeal.–Kevin Goldstein"

"Wait…he doesn’t get the appeal of strip clubs?  What are you listening to Tom?—my wife Lori"

Obviously this comment from Goldstein is one of two things.  A direct order from John Perrotto to increase female subscriptions at BP.  Or Goldsteins love interest walked by the microphone near the end of the podcast and apparently doesn’t have a passion for gentlemen’s clubs.  So Goldstein said what she wanted to hear.  It’s all mind blowing.

Because even Marlene’s in Perry-O is appealing.  That’s right.  Even The Hi-Way Playground is appealing.  Even, the Wheeling feeling, when the lighting is right, can be appealing.  We better stop.  This post will not turn into a BP podcast.

Sorry.  Wait.  Did Goldstein just say this?   I am so confused.

"And he’s (Derek Jeter)  good looking…-Kevin GoldsteinI think he’s amazing….-Kevin Goldstein (not talking about Jeter, or a Pittsburgh Pirate)He’s wonderful…Kevin Goldstein (some other guy who’s not a Pirate)"

So I have given up ten minutes of my life and my daily .19 cents for a BP subscription to learn that strip clubs are unappealing, but Derek Jeter is good looking.  O.K.  FML

So my dumb ass fast forwarded to listen to comments about blow, high school garage band tapes, lawyers, and weddings….. and how nobody wanted to go the Gentlemans Club?  No…they did hit the Gentlemans Club, (God I love this podcast) but wait…(the boys gotta cover there ass) nobody wanted to go to  New York Dolls?  Seriously?   I hate this podcast. 

It was Jason’s first time to NY Dolls?  Huh?  Some of the guys at the bachelor party were foreign to strip clubs?  A $13 dollar beer conversation ensued.   Why am I listening to these guys again?  Really?  Why not discuss the dancers?  Oh, I understand that would be more interesting.  Got it fellas.

So on to the Pirates talk:  Kevin is excited.  No.  Wait.  If Kevin were a Pirates fan he would be excited.  No.  Wrong again.

"If you are a Pirates fan it’s (the Top 11 Pirates Prospects List) exciting. –Kevin Goldstein, Baseball Prospectus"

But it’s risky.  That’s something close to what Goldstein said, I am still pissed I jumped to the end of the podcast and heard the disgust with strip clubs discussion before finding this cheat sheet.

By now, you are sick of my description so go ahead and disappear to the link.  For those of you unfortunate enough to be in an office setting that can’t push play on the link, no sweat, we have the details of the Pirates for you right here.  Don’t worry.  It’s like a lightning round.  Ready.  Go:

Goldstein started it off with something like this:

Two of the players were born in 1991.  One was born in 1994. better be a little leary.  these guys are ions away…..

[In an attempt at hilarity……  ]

“one of them (Taillon, Allie, Herdia) will probably reach AA.  Pick one.  

[Based on prior Pirates prospects classes, it’s a funny joke, well, unless you’re a die hard Pirates fan.  But what die hard Pirates fan would be listening to the BP podcast that wouldn’t appreciate a joke like that?]

[Jason and Kevin hit the cough button and chuckle to themselves about the joke]

Now the pressure is on.

Luis Heredia was the biggest signing of the year.

[Jason said this:]

Man I know that he has a really good feel for the mound.  Solid average fastball, already showing some plus velocity.  He turns 16 in august, right?  [Yes.  You are right.]  He is very impressive.

Goldstein said the Pirates are going to max out the curveball.

[Jason said he is going to be honest with us.  Holy shit.  Dont lie to me man]

People have been talking about this guy for a long time.  [Nice.  thanks.]

You have been hearing about this kid for a long time.  [Nice.  thanks.]

There is a lot to like here.  [Nice.  thanks.]

He’s a really really big kid.  [Nice.  thanks.]

[Wow glad he’s not lying to us.  And here is the nugget.]

This guy (Heredia) could become a problem.  He could get to 6’6″ 260lbs in a hurry.  [Gulp.]  That makes his peak years not at 26 to 29.  He has to get it quickly.  He has the stuff to do that.  He could be a front line starter.  Or a two pitch reliever.  [Gulp.]  A 70 80 grade velocity guy.

The Pirates think he can make his pro debut at 16.  Full pro debut at 17.  [sigh]

It’s a big step to send this kid to the GCL at 16.

Or he could be out of the league at 18.  The Pirates did their homework.

The Bucs spent 2.6 million.  Of which he saw so little.  Heredia saw 2/3 of that money.

After the Pirates pitchers….it drops off pretty quickly.  There are so few position players.

They (the Pirates) like Sanchez.  He could be in Pittsburgh at the end of the year.  [Really?  Not a chance IMO]

Jason:  I like Colton Cain.

The comment that there are very precious few position player prospects after Sanchez haunts us.  Ok, I will stop.  Dial it in.

Near the end, is an attempt at humor with Clint Hurdle.  It’s not funny to me, but they tried.  Check it out around 1:40. It’s Not Clint Hurdle.  And it’s Not Really Funny.   But it is sort of.  In a if you don’t like strip clubs sort of way.

Seriously, neither of these baseball gurus like gentleman’s club?  Holy hell.  I’m glad the Pirates aren’t relevant so I don’t need to listen to this every week.  Hold on, the podcast caught up to the discussion again.

It’s been more than a decade ago since you were in a gentlemans club?  You can’t see it happening again?  What?  It’s expensive?  (Hell so is my subscription, but I could care less–the human species sometimes needs a fix)

He doesn’t get the appeal of gentlemens clubs?  God this is awful.  So awful.

Back to Pirates baseball.  Andrew Lambo hit a grand slam the other day, was hit by a pitch and left the game early yesterday.  Wonder if Lambo enjoyed Club Coconuts in Curve, PA?  You bet your ass Lambo appreciates the appeal.