Seriously, Carl Pavano Is Not Coming To The Pirates

For reasons determined to piss off time management gurus throughout the world,

the Pittsburgh Pirates are said to still be talking with free agent pitcher Carl Pavano. The important question should be this: why?

Shouldn’t this be over by now?

What in the world would the Bucs want with a 35-year old, due for (another) breakdown,  statsh-tastic right-handed pitcher who wants a three-year deal?  A large three-year deal.  A Jorge De La Rosa like deal. Yeh, a DLR deal for a pitcher who should be in  who isn’t close to producing what DLR could produce over the course of his dream deal.

Now please remember, this is the same Carl Pavano who had his feelings hurt in New York where he signed a $39.95 million dollar deal after the 2004 season.  He made just 26 starts over three seasons on a four-year contract.

"“When you’re down, you expect your organization to pick you up, not kick you when you’re down. I’ve had to pick myself up quite a few times the last four years. I’m not holding any grudges. You just keep moving forward.”—Carl Pavano"

Are the Pirates losing their minds?  What happened to the plan?  Let me help you Federal Street.  Politely say:  No.  Thank.  You.

Pavano doesn’t have consistent swing and miss stuff and it certainly won’t improve any time soon. Especially as disasterous as Pavano in black and yellow sounds, he would need to throw considerably more pitches each outing with the current lackluster Pirates defense around him.  Why am I still acting like this is remotely possible?

All these negatives and  it would cost a draft pick?  Holy shit.   The guy is old.  He can’t get swings and misses.  He will need a couch.  He will need a therapist.  He will cost a high pick.  Holy jumping jingle balls– need anything else?   Oh yeh, a three year deal for what $30 million! 

It seems obvious to us that Pavano is  using the Pirates and Royals to improve his negotiations with Minnesota.  Ok.  Enough.  We’ve wasted enough of your time too.  (Hell at least your not being paid by the Pirates though.)

There isn’t a prayer Pavano is coming to Pittsburgh.

You and I have a better shot at being in black and yellow on the PNC Park diamond this year than Pavano does.

[DailySkew.comdid the cool PS above and I loved it, and borrowed it because it rocked.  Please forgive me.]