Pittsburgh Pirates: Ten Dangerous Thoughts

RumBunter Columnist Cocktailsfor2

checks in with a series of articles that you are sure to enjoy:

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Ten thoughts that somehow relate to the Pittsburgh Pirates:

1] The Dalai Lama recently said:

“In training the mind, perspective is of crucial importance. We cannot expect to transform our minds in a few minutes or even a few weeks, thinking, perhaps, that the blessings of an enlightened individual will enable us to obtain immediate results. Such an attitude is not realistic. It takes a long time, sometimes years or even decades; but if we persevere, there is no doubt we will make progress.”

How does this relate to the Pirates, you ask? Simple. Exchange the first four words – “In training the mind,” with these four: “Regarding rebuilding the Pirates,” the word “mind” in the second sentence with “franchise,” and the phrase “the blessings of an enlightened individual” with “the few decent trade chips we have.”

See? Enlightenment!

This comes in handy, especially when thinking about the past 18 years, which I will try not to mention too often.

2] THIS is Joel Harahan’s entrance music.

THIS was Octavio Dotel’s before him.

If I were an MLB closer, I would have THIS for my entrance music

The advantage of this is that it would freak the hell out of the other team. Or have them laughing their asses off. Either way, they would be unsettled as they stepped to the plate against me, giving me decided leverage.

3] David Todd is doing a fine job on the Pirates’ post-game show “Extra Innings” on WPGB (I listen online, obviously, as I live in Chicago). Gets better with each show I hear.

Author’s note: I cannot compare Dave to Rocco, having never heard Rocco, so please don’t take me to task on this. I’m not trying to start any kind of heated debate (but if you want to fight it out in the comments, feel free to do so – I LOVE a good fight. Especially between two scantily-clad ladies. um, wait…). I do, however, have one critique: Try to get more callers in, please, Dave…(and try to relax and breathe once in a while, too).

You can follow him on twitter if you don’t already do so: http://twitter.com/DTonPirates, http://twitter.com/hammerspeaks .

4] I am NOT going to gripe about Paul Maholm, Ross Ohlendorf or Ronny Cedeno.

I am NOT going to gripe about Paul Maholm, Ross Ohlendorf or Ronny Cedeno.

I am NOT going to gripe about Paul Maholm, Ross Ohlendorf or Ronny Cedeno.

…or how our hitters are striking out. A lot.

5] I will be writing something neat about Tony Sanchez soon.

6] I freely admit, without reservation, and with full knowledge that my girlfriend will be reading this: I have a man-crush on Jose Tabata. The next Pirate jersey I get will be a #31 (and with the knowledge that my girlfriend is reading this, consider this a hint for my Christmas present this year, sweetheart!), and I will wear it proudly. Tabata may be the most exciting player on the Pirates – yes, Cutch can fly, and Pedro can send ’em flying – but Jose is an out-and-out joy to watch. He’s certainly my favorite Pirate. This is strictly platonic, by the way, but if I ever meet the guy, I wanna hug him.

7] Attention Bloggers / tweeters: Enough already with “Yinzer” as an insult. If someone’s a Yinzer, they know they are. And who they are. And so does everybody else. And anyway, not all Yinzers are created equal. If you’re going to be pissed off at anybody on the internet (an exercise in futility at best), aim your venom where it really belongs – toward Bob Smizik.

8] Attention tweeters, part 2: There’s no need to re-tweet the Pirates’ lineup to your followers every single game, for chrissakes! We all follow the Pirates! Between the official Pirates twitter feed, Inside Pirates, Dunlap, DK, Biertempfel and Langosch, the lineup is pretty well covered. Just because you have a twitter account doesn’t mean you have to use it. You’re only serving to clog up my twitter page! And get off my damned lawn!

Added benefit: those of your followers that aren’t Pirate fans will thank you, too.

9] Okay – I lied about #4. The strikeouts are alarming. As of this writing – after 8 games, we have 73 74 K’s, to lead not only the National League – it’s the most in all of baseball. That’s nearly TEN STRIKEOUTS PER GAME!! And the team leader isn’t even Pedro or GFJ… it’s Neil Walker, with 13 14K’s – hell, it’s rising fast….!

“Yes, yes, you idiot, take it easy,” I hear you saying, “it’s a ‘Small Sample Size’ you’re looking at – hey, Pedro’s second with 12, and look at what a slow starter he’s always been! And let’s also note that ‘Pine-Richland’s Own’ also is tied for the team lead in hits, with 11, so whaddaya say to that, smartarse? Howzabout his great slashline?”

That’s great, but that 39% strikeout rate worries me. Just a bit. Did I say I was freaking out over it? No. I said it was “alarming.” Not catastrophic. I’ll be better in a minute. Just let me sit down and catch my breath. Can you bring me a drink of water, please?

10] There is no number 10, but about that man crush….

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