The Pittsburgh Pirates Investigation: Which Famous Investigator is Bob Nutting?
By Tom Smith
Pittsburgh Pirates owner Bob Nutting is on the scene.
"“How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth? Sherlock Holmes, 1890."
It’s widely known that Bob Nuting is conducting an investigation into the Pittsburgh Pirates after another epic second half collapse in 2012. But we haven’t heard much since he went on record discussing his disappointment with the season, especially what happened late in the year.
"“We have to understand what happened in September. We have to understand what happened with this slide because we simply cannot allow ourselves to do it again.” Bob Nutting, September 2012"
So while Nutting looks for the smoking gun, we will look at a couple of the greatest detectives the world has ever known. Sherlock Holmes, Columbo, and Batman. Yeh, Batman. It’s called DC Comics for a reason–that D actually stands for something. Columbo you’ve never heard of, but he was a classic. And Sherlock, well, you know who that is.
It’s a shame that Nutting feels the need to go detective. We gotta think that’s an uncomfortable feeling for all involved in the organization. Each offseason seems to bring with it challenges from within, but this is definently the largest of the current brass. The investigation stems from the ugly top-to-bottom results of the past five years.
In a win-quick world, the Pittsburgh Pirates have lost more than they have won in each of the past twenty years. So, finally, it’s time for Nutting to become detective.
Pittsburgh Pirates owner Bob Nutting is getting his Columbo on
Columbo, I’m told, always acted confused. Sherlock Holmes used deductive reasoning and scientific thinking. Batman usually digs up small details and uses them to find the bad guy.
All of the detectives seem to be anticsocal, so at least Nutting has that going for him. When we’ve talked to him, it seems uncomfortable. Maybe that’s just me though. Batman usually works solo on his cases. Holmes relied on his brillance to wow people–sorry, that’s not Nutting. Columbo was always confused and tricked people into coughing up answers. We have to think Nutting is going to rely on a little bit of each detective in this regard. We can see some solo work, baffling some with brilliance, and some Columbo like trickery–‘oh, there’s just one more thing….’
Nutting reminds me most of Bruce Wayne. Both have weath. Perhaps the vice of Nutting and Wayne is greed and frivolity, (however perceived) due to the empires that each inherited. Holmes used coke, heroin, and of course his legendary “pipe tobacco.” I can’t say I have ever even seen Nutting with a beverage in his hand, while Columbo always fooled people with his ‘just fell off the bar stool’ appearance, holding his temple in a sheerly confused look.
Wayne’s daddy left him a large fortune, allowing Batman to use all the latest gadgetry to solve crimes. Ogden left Bob a fortune. Bob used the fortune to buy the Pirates at a bargain basement price–and like Wayne, he’s invested wisely in tangible assets and has grown the value of the Pittsburgh Baseball Club to new heights. (Mark Madden calls Ogden Enterprises the best con going–he owns a newspaper empire in West Virginia where nobody can read.)
Batman gets some help from Robin. The always-on-the-scene-Robin does all the faithful grunt work as he assists Batman in getting out of trouble. Columbo works alone (I think) which is probably the way Nutting is going about his Pirates investigation, at least for the most part. Dr. Watson worked with Holmes–and was his intellectual equal.
Sherlock Holmes and Batman are both effective in martial arts. Columbo looks like an art major, but there is no martial involved. Nutting is a shooter, a pretty good one too, so should this investigation escalate, just remember Bob Nutting owns a sporting clays range at The Seven Springs Motel.
The three detectives we came up with are rather divergent. Each had their own way of conducting an investigation, but all were remarkably efficient in uncovering their goal.
Whether Sherlock Nutting can do the same is still up in the air.