Pirates Desperately Need Changes in 2014

2014 Pirates–Changes Episode One:  The Pittsburgh Pirates are a National League contender, but some obvious changes need to be made.   If you’ve been to a Pittsburgh Pirates game you might have been unfortunate enough to hear the 9th inning rally video entitled, Hoist the Colors.  We have heard it about ten times in person.

It was cool.

The first twenty times. But now, staring at Keira Knightley’s furrowed brow while trying to envision a Pirates comeback has grown stale.  It’s over.

Well, I trust it’s over.  Just like 2013 is over.  The Pirates should approach 2014 with a clean slate.  From what the team looks like on the field to what the fans experience.  It’s hard to let go of 2013, but it has to happen.

Come on.  Pirates of the Caribbean is so 2008. Or was it 2007?

The number one goal of a late inning rally cry is to fire up the players. Of course, as crazed fans we think it’s all about us.  I can guess what most of you are probably thinking…. Hoist the Colors/Colours is awesome.  Little Johnny loves it.  Me and my kids think it’s great.  I love tweeting #HoistEm.

But we are telling you.  Just. Stop.  Thinking.

If you need a video for you to get on your feet when your favorite baseball team is losing in the ninth inning, well, you mostly fit right in at PNC Park.  The concept of using a video to get the fans on their feet which could/should/who-are-we-kidding-probably doesn’t mean shit, must never get old.  Unfortunately, the PNC Park Hoist the Colors has black mold growing all over it.

But I digress.  Common rationale in the Pirates marketing department is when that the Pirates are losing, we are going to play a cool video to get the fans on their feet.  It’s a cool idea at it’s core.  And a really common one around Major League Baseball.

In 2014, a really cool idea would be to play something that the players actually like.  Cue the San Francisco Giants Fist Pump Cam that actually shows Giants players fist pumping….

Take a poll of the Pirates players who have heard Hoist the Colors the sixty-seven times the Pirates were behind in the 8th inning since the Hoist inception and guess how many say it must end.  (So what, yeh, we just made that number up, but, you get the point.) The genius, (?) behind using Pirates of the Caribbean is just……well, old.

But let’s not overlook just how cool Hoist the Colors was…popular movie, relate it to the Pirates, the movie just happens to have a ship, jolly rogers, yeh, let’s give it one more play, for old times sake.  Let’s hoist one more time for the 2013 season…

"It’s not over.  Listen to me.  Frightened bilge rats aboard a derelict ship on our really old scoreboard? No. No, they will see free men and freedom! And what the enemy will see is the flash of our cannons. They will hear the ring of our swords, and they will know what we can do!   By the sweat of the Pirates marketing department.  Strength of their backs…Courage of their hearts…"

Gentlemen……… KILL- Hoist the colors!