A conversation with (Evil) Neal Huntington

jrollison
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Every once in awhile, us Pittsburgh Pirates fans need a laugh.  I’m not sure about you, but for me nothing gets a quicker, cheaper laugh out of me than a good parody account on Twitter.  Luckily for us, we are blessed with one of those with none other than @EvilNeal.  Of all the figures associated with the Bucs, none of them are as ripe for parody as Neal Huntington.  I almost feel bad for him, yet Evil Neal walks a fine line between parody and respect.   He’s also not afraid to tell it like it is:

He backs it up with stats:

And he then says what we’re all thinking (or at least hoping):

Recently I had the pleasure of meeting Evil Neal in a dark alley to get his take on some recent Pirates happenings.  Here now is a transcript of that interview.

Rum Bunter:  Thanks for joining us, Evil.  One thing I and others have always wondered:  Just what is your working relationship with Bob Nutting like on a day-to-day basis?

"EvilNeal:  It’s a great relationship. We both like to nickel and dime our way around, and rather go cheap, than make the huge play the fans want to see, and that just won’t be the case."

RB:  Let me paint a scenario for you:  You and Clint Hurdle disagree on a player.  Who wins the argument and how?

"EN:  Obviously me. I can fire Hurdle at my choosing, so if he’s smart he’ll just always agree with my evaluation on players.  Sometimes he doesn’t, and we end up with an extension for Jose Tabata.  Let’s just say there was more than one Jose involved on that one."

RB:  What was the secret to getting Andrew McCutchen to sign that extension?

"EN:  I locked him up in my basement until he signed… No, but really it came down to me showing him what the future holds for this team, and thankfully he hit .259 and hadn’t reached super star potential when I locked him up in March of 2012."

RB:  What did you tell the MLB arbitrators that made you lose Pedro Alvarez’s hearing?  You must have really had to screw up to lose that one.

"EN:  I predicted earlier that Pedro will hit .246/.345/.551 with 48 bombs, 116 RBIs, and win the MVP. Sadly the arbitrator must have remembered that. I had a feeling we would lose this one though.  Thank goodness for that Snider trade and the payroll flexibility!  By the way, the term “Payroll Flexibility” is copyrighted by yours truly."

RB:  What do you hope fans take away from this interview?

"EN:  Hope fans realize that Pirates front office is the Pirates front office, it’ll be run to which we seem fit, and that this team is able to work comfortable within the constraints of our payroll.  Man, I really need to just record me saying that and play it on my phone every time i need to say it."

For more hilarious tweets on the Pittsburgh sports scene, follow @EvilNeal on Twitter.

Next: Francisco Cervelli is looking to prove he is a starter

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