Pirates fans aren’t buying insider’s ‘long shot’ Pete Alonso prediction

Every winter, somebody out there throws the Pittsburgh Pirates into a headline they have no business being in. This time, it’s ESPN’s Jorge Castillo, floating the idea that—long shot alert—the Pirates could be a landing spot for free agent slugger Pete Alonso.

And look, bless Castillo for even humoring the notion. National writers rarely remember the Pirates exist unless they’re a trivia answer or an easy punchline. But Pirates fans? We’ve watched Bob Nutting baseball for nearly two decades. We know better. We’ve been conditioned to flinch at the very idea of a superstar wearing black and gold in his prime.

Pete Alonso in Pittsburgh? That’s not a rumor. That’s fan fiction.

First of all, Alonso is going to command nine figures. He's almost 31, and he’s a 40-homer bat with a résumé that earns real money in real markets. The Pirates’ all-time free-agent record is Francisco Liriano’s $39 million deal from a decade ago. Alonso will want double that in his signing bonus alone.

Sure, Ben Cherington trotted out his "more financial flexibility" line at the GM meetings last earlier this month. It sounds great, but wait until it’s January and the Pirates’ biggest signing is a bargain-bin reliever with minor-league options.

Alonso is the opposite of a bargain-bin move. If anything, tossing the Pirates into the Alonso conversation feels more like a PR decoy to show MLB that small-market teams could spend if they wanted to… conveniently right before a CBA negotiation cycle kicks up.

This isn’t ambition on Nutting's part. It’s optics.

Pirates fans know better than to put stock into Pete Alonso free agency rumors

An Alonso signing makes sense for teams with a top-10 payroll, a contending roster already in place and a willingness to spend around the edges. And what do the Pirates have? A bottom-five payroll, a roster stuck between "young and unproven" and "just wait till next year" and an owner allergic to long-term financial commitments.

Plugging Alonso into the Pirates' roster would be like putting a Ferrari engine in a lawn mower. He’d hit 40 bombs into the Allegheny, but to what end? A fifth-place finish with slightly more aesthetic fireworks? Even if the Pirates wanted Alonso, they simply aren't built to support him.

National writers cast a wide net. They connect dots. They look at “team in need of power bat, plus team has money (in theory)” and toss in names to cover ground. But fans know context. We know what the Pirates do, what they don’t do and what they never do. Signing Alonso falls firmly into the "never" category.

It’s flattering, in a weird way. Being mentioned alongside superstar talent used to feel impossible. Now at least the Pirates get tossed into the hypothetical ring. But that doesn’t mean fans should start Photoshopping Alonso into a Pirates uniform or dreaming about him hitting balls off the Riverwalk.

If Alonso ends up in Pittsburgh, it’ll be as a visiting player hitting moonshots off of the Pirates' bullpen—not as a free-agent savior. And until Nutting proves otherwise, that’s not cynicism. That’s just experience.